dead & gone

remember when you're in secondary school and you felt like you're the most stressful person on earth with homeworks and exams and you can't wait to finish and get out of that school?

i know i did went through that phase. now that we're able to think more maturely, sec sch doesn't seem so bad after all.

I read back some of my old blog entries and it was

E-to da-M- to da-BARRASING. such whiny person i was!

but i do remember that drive that i had in me everyday at that age

- wanting to play & learn new songs on the guitar and keyboard, wishing i would be a performer

- blading in the evening hoping to become a female pro-aggressive inline skater like Yasutoko brothers

- dancing every night to Justin Timberlake/ MJ/ Britney/ Nsync hoping to become a dancer

- searching for recipes on the net and baking hoping to open a cafe one day

- playing soccer with the boys hoping i would join a female soccer squad.

where is it all now? i've no idea. i've become a lazy person ever since ___ .

yes, ever since that.

ever since i figure out that my life is settled. ever since i thought that just being a housewife is okay. ever since the only answers that came to my head was "Heh~ that's life". ever since i stopped helping out with the chores around the house coz my mom was getting lazier.

and now its my turn. i've officially become a lazy person.

how i slouch while i walk

how i slur over my words when i talk

how i always answered ' i don't know' or ' i think so' coz i was lazy too think

how i don't make phonecalls to anyone coz then i would have to think of a conversation

how i hate big groups now coz socializing is tiring

how i don't care what i wear anymore (flimsy pants and slippers ftw)

and sadly, how i'm not really bothered about the outcomes of my future.

the old me is dead and gone.

but it doesn't hurt creating a new one.

just like kids

oh yes, we fought... we sat down and fought.

or at least we tried to.

one of the reason why i don't wanna talk/meet hendry when i'm angry is because we end up fighting like little kids - pulling each other's nose, poking each other, showing tongue, pinching tits, etc. We'll drop funny sarcastic remarks and we will laugh at how the other party is angry. i tried my best that night... trying to be VERY angry and keeping my face straight but i just had to burst into laughters (yelah, aku mana reti nak marah-marah orang ni semua).

we were laughing throughout. macam mane ni?!? aku pening lah~ nak gadoh ke nak joke around?

and worst part.... 1 minute we're fighting, next minute he asked when we wanna go holiday!!

WHAT IS THIS?!?!? NONSENSE!

(but of course, i also answered "maybe end year"...haha... aku pon nonsense)

komplikasi dalam komunikasi jadi konfrontasi

when there's no communication at home, parents turn to other methods into finding out what your children are up to lately. In my case, they invade my privacy.

this privacy invasion is getting out of hand.

last warnings doesn't work anymore

neither did my sister's attempt pasting signs.

my plan:

put condoms, pills, ciggs, pregnancy tests, drugs, syringe, etc in cabinet

and see how they react.

they probably won't ask anything but they sure be worried to death.

heh. thats what you get for not communicating

in malay, i would simply called it: ada mulot taknak tanye!

heck

don't know, don't care

sometimes it good to have that attitude.